Day 354 - In the minds Of Demons – men Part 1

Have you ever been in a group of men where the talk is cheap and big, the talking leads to all roads and all of the imagination comes out to play, the words flow and the mouth gets dry, they energy is also high.

They are possessed, I am standing and breathing, I have no words for what is happening, how is this normal or acceptable, I am shocked and stunned. I am sick to my belly.

Three men talking, two of which have no boundaries before their mouths, they spill disgust and filth from their mouths about the female, they make comments of brutal imagery, justified by the reasons of their minds, the back chat that accumulated, they push the boundaries to how to best punish a women for but only speaking back at them, they bring in gestures of rape, they even place the how and the when and they even give the Idea that it is funny, it is something to laugh about, what they are saying.

I am standing on the side, they bring me in, they say we will get Him to do the raping for us, YES it is a great idea, let Him do it, he looks like he will be able to do it best, they laugh and they joke, I get furious, I breathe, I realize my reaction is of separation, wanting to be better than them, yet what I realize of myself in that moment does not stop me from bringing in common sense.

I stand and I say, you read the shit you speak in the newspapers every day, you are disgusted by what you read and you wonder why the world is so evil, yet here you are giving me a graphic script playout of how you yourself will do the exact thing you read and hate to read every day in the newspaper or see on the TV. 

How are you now any different, you even give me your back chat and reasons for why you will rape a women you know, it is even worse then what I read and see on the TV, I saw you as a man of respect and Honor, I took you for a different person, Now I see I have fooled myself to believe any man is different, even the ones I have judged as good hearted, I see here in front of my eyes, easily letting his tongue speak of raping a women he knows as a friend and how he laugh’s it off. 

I have brought silence to the demons, they are thinking and they are busy in their heads, they see how they have De manned themselves, they will for a while still pretend it is a joke, just to not show they are humiliated, that they have for a moment reflected themselves back to themselves. 

I stand also in silence, I have no idea/way of what to make of what just happened, it was so quick, it was so instant, the Joke I mean, I was scared for a moment to, not of the moment but of what they have accepted and allowed within themselves as normal, and how easy it was to just slip out, how one man’s tongue became another man’s tongue, as if they were speaking the same tongue, they agree on raping as if it a normal thing, they agreed on brutal suggestions as if it was funny, they spoke of another as if the other isn’t a living being. 

What if there was more, what if there was five or four, what if the group agreed on actually taking plan, as I have seen they all simply agree to the one they perceive has the perfect reason/justification and makes it sound like it is something they will do as a favor for the entire nation.

My eyes opened to see, that I have judged people within my mind and placed them all in categories of who I believe is different and who isn’t, who is good and who is bad, and that this was and is a lie, all men is capable of all things, it is all here one and equal for all as it is what we fear.

time to get real, we need change before the wrong things become real.

To be continued.

Day 201 – I need to have a Laugh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am anxious seek a good old laugh to suppress the anxiety instead of looking at why I am anxious and to write about the point to see how I am creating and participating within the creation of the anxiety so that I can stop creating anxiety and breathe here stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions as energy, not seeing and realizing that when I participate within any form of energy creation within my mind that has effects on my body that I will accumulate anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am seeking a laugh that I am seeking to run away from what is here as me within the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress anxiety with laughter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity game of polarity as negative (emotions) and positive (feelings) as to feel that I am moving forward, not seeing and realizing that all I am doing is going in circles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have been using laughing as a drug to give me a high when I feel low, and as all drugs it wears off and then requires the next hit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to laughing to deal with situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of breathing and deal with the situations at hand through laughing instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am laughing within situation that I am suppressing the actual experience and thus not able to deal with it real time within breathing and moving through the point to not be controlled by the experience and instead re-program myself as the physical to deal with the situation effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek comfort within laughing, not seeing and realizing that within seeking and getting comfort when and as I laugh that I am only confirming to myself that I cannot handle the situations and that I must always experience anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I can stop the polarity game through breathing and re-programming myself as the physical where there is no experience needed to deal with situations but to simply breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I am dealing with a situation to stop the physical action of laughing and to instead breathe and see for myself who I am and what is the real experience that I am within, and to within that breathe through the experience and stabilize myself here as the physical as breath.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself already laughing to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am laughing in separation of a point instead of standing one and equal as the situation within real time as the physical here, as I see and realize that the anxiety or the laughing is from the mind that is not here but within an alternate reality of thoughts/feelings/emotions not seen by anyone but me and to take self-responsibility through applying self-forgiveness and stop.