Day 378 – Candy Crush Saga - helping me in my process Part 2

Day 377 – Candy Crush helping me in my process Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what I accept and thus allow daily as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently is all that I can ever be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently is all that I can ever be and thus all I can do is but allow it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply allow everything that I do every day as Normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so used to who I am through my everyday actions of simply repeating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that somewhere in my process I am stuck, not moving myself not directing myself and that within this I have come to live and accept that stuckness everyday as normal and that it is all I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get used to who I am and thus only live as the limited me I am every day, not pushing myself, not questioning myself, not investigating all of me, but only the few obvious points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that just because I find it convenient to be stuck, to have something as normal, that I must remain within it and not question it not push myself to change and to go where I believe I cannot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go where I believe I cannot go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go where I believe I cannot go simply because I do not find it normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently, is all that I can be because I have been who I am currently for so long, I have become it, I have literally become unable to even conceive that it is possible to do more, to become more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as Stuck and never moving forward is my limit, it is where I must be, and that I simply have to repeat everyday as this being stuck and struggle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no room within my life to move out of this position of feeling stuck within myself, within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have become accustom to this stuckness because it is part of the survival character, where this character will keep and pattern that is relevant to surviving even if it means being stuck. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the survival character wants to create normality in order to let the personality survive, even when this normality is a complete compromise and a pattern of self-destruction, because the mind will find a save spot, a place that is save, where the mind isn’t interrupted and thus can feed off the body, the physical flesh while being stuck, and thus I see and realize that I must move myself within and as breathe out of this pattern, out of being stuck into corrections, points where I feel that what I am doing isn’t part of my “likes’ and rather push through to points of expanding, growing, moving forward, and even if it means asking for help.

Day 377 – Candy Crush helping me in my process Part 1

I have been stuck on level sixty five within Candy Crush for three weeks now, I have used at least two hundred lives on that one level, playing every day a couple of times, at least five to ten times. 

The point that has been shown to me, or the pattern here, isn’t about the obvious pattern of playing Candy Crush every day and not making it through this level, No it has shown me something I did not see of myself within my general process that I am walking with Desteni.

Let me explain, within Candy crush, being stuck on this one level, for weeks, trying every day, as bets as I can to make it through this level, I have come to a point of acceptance, this point of acceptance is interestingly created through becoming used to something. 

Because I have made it through this lever for weeks and kept on trying for weeks to make it though I have become used to NOT going anywhere, I have come to accept that this level is what I will be on forever, and so I have come to notice that I am playing everyday Candy crush, level sixty five with the acceptance that this is it, I cannot go further, I cannot do more, I will simply replay this lever every day for ever. 

I have come to accept this level of myself, I have come to accept that this level is all I can reach and all I can do, since I have been trying so hard for weeks and haven’t reached any point of making it, I have come to only play it every day for the sake of playing it, I have lost sight that there is any possibility of moving further and going forwards, I have come to believe that there is no forward for me. 

Even though it is obvious that I can go further, I know there is more levels and that I can go there, I have create the belief that where I am now is my limit, it is the end for me, I will play and stay on level sixty five forever, and somehow I have become so addicted to just playing this level, that I Play it for the sake of playing it, not even to move forward.

Once I noticed this pattern that I have fallen into within Candy Crush, I have realized how his has happened without me even knowing it, because it was created through time, through repeating myself over and over within the same actions, and then it simply became normal, when it isn’t normal.  It is that point of acceptance, and allowance and then it becomes normal. And so I noticed how easy it is for this to happen anywhere else within my world, within me within what I do and live, without me even knowing it at all. Till I actually see such point possible, and then questioning everything about me to see where I am doing this. 

I am looking here at my entire process, my entire life of who I am, and how I have come to accept that who I am currently and what I do as my actions from who I am as being all that I can ever be, a believe that I have created and now I am simply living it, I am living this acceptance and allowing it daily within each breathe, believing it is all I can be and thus all I can do.

Day 302 - Cold hands

Day 302 - Cold hands

Every morning when I get to work I greet EVERYONE lol, it is a must, and I even greet the same people again twenty minute later if I see them, saying hi is like a constant thing, it is weird.

So in the mornings when I greet the people I shake hands, and the one thing I notice is that everyone’s hands is Warm and nice to greet, but mine is ice cold. And I have gotten feedback on this as well, the guys saying wow your hands is cold.

I have had this in the past as well, in school where everyone hands will be warm except mine, and now working again and getting the same feedback I am questioning this point again, I have created some judgments and Ideas about it, something must be wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my hands being cold as wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the other people with warm hands as being better than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if my hands are cold it means I am not here and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate this point in real time for myself to check why my hands are cold and why others hands is warm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear that if my hands isn’t warm like the rat that they will think something is wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if my hands aren’t warm that people will not like greeting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish my hands was warm like the rest so that I will be the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will interoperate my cold hands as something being wrong and different with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I greet someone and my hands are cold to immediately belief something is wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea about my cold hands as something being wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate the feedback I get in relation to my cold hands.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest within why my hands are cold.

I see that my hands are the things I move with, it is what allows me to do things, to get things done, it is the things that has made everything possible that is is here from the humans to be here, and not to be proud of at all obviously we have only been using hands to abuse and destroy and to create harm for all life. Yet our hands can so more thing, a billion more things in creating and living in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as my hands are cold that it is a sign that I am not here breathing and being in my body as self movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my hands are indications of my breathing and if I am breathing in and as my body or if I am in the mind, thus not in my hands as me here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if my hands are cold in summer when the air and everything is hot that it must be a clear indication that I am in the mind and not breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my cold hands and to participate within the mind even more when and as they are cold, instead of seeing and realizing that I can instead use my hands as indicators to my breathing and how the breathe is flowing through my body and that there is life and not mind.

I commit myself to when and as I see that my hands are cold to breathe and to breathe into my body as my body and not just breathe to breathe for the sake of self interest and to bring life into my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from Life as something out there that I must acquire, instead of seeing and realizing that LIFE is here and thus breathing here in simplicity is simple.

I commit myself to when and as my hands are cold to stop and to not go into any mind ideas and believes about it and to apply the correction instead as breathing and standing as my body one and equal.

I commit myself to when and as I face the point of my hands being cold and not warm to focus by breathing to warm my hands up to have a clear indication of if my breathing is effective or not, as me moving myself and directing myself as me living here and not participating in the mind as pre-programming accepting and allowing who knows what to move and direct me.

The hands are the body, when I am in the mind the hands go cold as I am up there somewhere and breathing to bring myself here will heat up my hands as a indication of where I am, as the body is always here I simple have to stop the separation and live here, simple.