Day 171 – Anticipating Walking my Horse Part 3 Final.

Day 169 – Anticipating Walking my Horse Part 1

Day 170 – Anticipating Walking my Horse Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of anticipation to exist within and as me when and as I walk my horse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe and make the experience real within me of expectation when and as I walk my horse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that anything I experience within myself while walking my horse is real, seeing and realizing that what I am experiencing within me while walking my horse is in contradiction to the reality of what is here and thus only self sabotaging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within believing that the experience of expectation is real within me when and as I walk my horse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Sabotage my Breathe and stability through accepting and allowing any thought within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself thought accepting and allowing a thought to continue within and as me and to give it attention and energy build up through back chat and thus create an experience within my body that only sabotage myself from what is here in fact as reality as what I experience is always in contradiction to what is here and thus giving away my ability to respond and instead become reactive where my actions is that of survival and within self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Follow thoughts within the belief of that they are real – seeing and realizing that all my life I have only followed thoughts and to trust thought even if they are always wrong and to within this realize that thoughts are in fact not real and CAN be Stopped in a single breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create memories out of events from which I create thought and thus connect positive or negative to these thought and to within this create characters and experiences that become automatic within my behavior and to define myself according to the past events/memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I experience something such as anticipation with walking my horse that It means I must define myself as the experience through the reasoning of “because I experienced it, it must be who I am” not seeing and realizing that The experience is NOT who I am as reality shows me that what I experience is never what is here in reality and thus can not be real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Validate experiences.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I Divine myself according to an experience that is enslavement and FUCK myself within it as I make myself subject to experiences instead of Breathing here as the physical where I can move and direct myself freely as breath as that which is best for all LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel powerless within stopping any and all experiences I exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a negative energy charge of that I will never be able to stop the general FEAR that I exist as that is always keeping me as the limited me that I have always known.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my horse and the dog is only amplifying with sound the general experience of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as, as a slave to fear/stress/anxiety/anticipation and to never step beyond and live and Be here as Breathe as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the animals are supporting and assisting me within my process within birthing myself as life as that which is best for all life, and that I have blamed them for my experiences not seeing and realizing that they are only showing me who I have become as a slave to the mind as experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I first accept any experience as who I am that I will always allow it, and thus it is to stop the acceptance and to breathe and bring myself here as breathe and to always realize that experience isnt real at ALL ever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall fr the trap of how I experience myself must be who I am, not seeing and realizing that I am in that moment making it so, instead of breathing and realizing myself as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear and experiences as ways to not take self responsibility yet I hate experiencing myself as fear and experiences where I am controlled by them and thus I see and realize that I have to decide within myself to take full responsibility and Breathe and to stop the MIND and stop mining my body for energy to create experiences I do not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that experiences are set in stone and thus I see and realize that it is just a belief and that I an in and as breathe release myself from the chains of these experiences and realize myself as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use breathe as a way to not experience what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the wanting to stop any and all experiences from the starting point of not having to experience what I have accepted nd allowed as self abuse.

I commit myself to when and as I am within an experience to Breathe and look at who I am within stopping the experience and to clear myself of any starting point that is within self interest and to breathe and stop and change the starting point to that which is best for all life as who I am as Life.

I commit myself to when and as I have and experience within me of fear/anxiety/stress/anticipation to realize that it is NEVER real and to give myself breathe instead as LIFE as that which is best for all life.
I commit myself to when and as I am feeling “stuck” and “trapped” within and experience to realize it is NEVER real and that it is okay to let go of it and Breathe.

I commit myself to see and realize that any and all experiences are NOT real when and as I face walking with my horse and or any other situation/moment in my life and that I can let the experience GO and to hold onto any experience is but self sabotage in fact and not WHO I am in and as the physical as life.

I commit myself to STOP myself when and as I see that I am going into an experience and to Breathe and to realize in Fact that any experience isnt real and now who I am, as any and all experiences is of the past from memories and thus not who I have to be in the present as I define who I am in each Moment through what I accept and allow, and to instead give myself BREATH and rebirth myself as Life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself giving any or all thoughts acceptance to stop and realize that i am accepting them and thus giving them permission to direct and control me unless I STOP and breath instead.

I commit myself to Give breathe a chance as I see and realize that all my live I have only given thoughts/experiences chances and it has only led to suffering and pain and shit upon shit and where I experience most of my life as FEAR and stress and anticipation of abuse, and thus To breath.

I commit myself to stop justifying thoughts and experiences through using external influences as to why I am experiencing myself the way I do and to take self responsibility as Breath as that which is best for all life.

Day 170 – Anticipation Walking my Horse Part 2 Self forgiveness.

Read Day 169 – Anticipation Walking my Horse Part 1 to get the whole picture and to see where the Sf comes from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as we take the horses to the neighbors farm and we reach the fence line where the dog is at to have the thought of “seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” and to then go into the back chat of “the god damn dog barks every day”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as the thought come up within me of ““seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” to go into the back chat of ““the god damn dog barks every day” to divert the attention of the fear existing within and as me of the thought towards the dog being the fault/cause for my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as we take the horses to the neighbors farm and we get to the fence line where the dog barks to go into thoughts about the dog and what the dog will do and what can happen and to then react and create fear within and as me and to then participate within back chat as a response to the though that keeps generating fear/anxiety/stress within me of what Might happen – Instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I accept and allow the thought of “seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger ” to come up within me and to NOT stop it that I am giving fear and reactions permission to direct me as the thought contains the past experience as the memory stored within me that I now relive/re-create in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate what will happen when we walk the horses at the fence line of the neighbors farm where the dog barks and storms up to the horses, seeing and realizing that anticipation is when and as I have given a thought and back chat permission to Possess me as energy, and thus I become jumpy and reactive within myself and towards my horse which gives my horse the signal that something is wrong when there isn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that anticipation is a state of where I am constantly projecting a thought that generates fear/stress/Anxiety of what might happen or not and thus I am already experiencing the even within myself of what might happen as the fear becoming true, seeing and realizing it is to stop such a thought through realizing that it is NOT real and to breathe and be here as breathe and to deal with what ever happens in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must have a thought of what Might happen when and as we walk at the fence line where the dog barks to Prepare myself and to prevent what might happen, seeing and realizing that to prevent anything from happening I must first stop my own inner delusions based on fear and then to focus on the physical and practically deal with the point instead as a real solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the thought I have of ““seeing the dog already braking at the horses and the horses freaking out and becoming a danger” is me accessing fight or flight mode and that this Possession I take on will be seen by my horse and thus he will also go into fight or flight mode and become a even greater danger that what it might be if something were to happen, as fight or flight mode is purely self interest and survival and not in consideration of what is here and how to deal with what is here practically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to When and as the Horses freaked out the first time we crossed the neighbors fence line where the dog strikes to have judged the scenario as Bad and as negative and to within this have created a desire of what I prefer to experience as Calm and no problem and no hassles – and thus not seeing and realizing that as I have created a Positive Idea of what I want to experience instead I have created Fear towards experiencing the negative and that this now creates friction within me of what is happening in reality towards what I desire in my mind, and so stress myself out in fear of facing reality, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desired play-out within my mind of what I want to experience when walking by the neighbors fence where the dog barks that is literally in conflict with what in fact happens, and thus creating thoughts/anticipation/fear of the negative as the not desired experience and only making it worse when and as it happens where I react and get angry and just want to Control everything in fear of not having my desired experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Just before we go to horses in the morning, to already have the thought of “ Seeing the dog barking at the horses and anything can happen” and to have the back chat of : Ah Oh man The dog again” and to within this create the rest of my morning where we walk the horses in a negative energy as anxiety/fear/stress towards that moment I have already projected in my mind happening and to Physically posture and act in ways towards my horse and others in a polarity mood as being positive and stable and ready for anything as a way of attempting Manipulating myself and to suppress the stress/fear/anxiety I have for that moment to come – instead of seeing and realizing that when and as I have that first thought in the morning, to forgive myself and to STOP the thought that will stop all of the other out flows as thoughts/backchat/fear/anticipation and to BREATH and be here and work with what is here practically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear what Horses can do to me when and as they get a fright.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the dog for barking every-time when we walk by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am only angry at the dog for barking because of how I am reacting and experiencing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am angry at myself for feeling powerless to stop the dog from barking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my anger toward the dog as Blaming the dog for how I experience myself in that moment as fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every time the dog barks have the back chat of “ I knew the dog was going to bark today” as a way of Justifying why I did not stop that first thought in the morning and why I had all the fear/stress and as a way to confirm my anticipation, seeing and realizing how this keeps the cycle going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at my horse when and as he reacts and where he tries to run off or run over me due to the back chat I have about my horse while I walk him as him being stupid and silly and ridiculous for reacting and being afraid of the dog, not seeing and realizing that I am actually saying that to myself as I am the one being ridiculous/stupid/silly for reacting and being afraid of the dog and to then as my horse freak out to Take it ALL out on him as a way to not to have to look at myself and who I am in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Place my Fear as my horse, so that when and as something happens as we pass the neighbors farm and the dog barks to be able to Blame the horse for How I reacted.

To be continued.