I must suffer and overcome mountains before I can change

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to suffer before I can change, that something must happen to me or that I must go through something in my life for me to change and for my change to be able to be justified and have reason to why I changed, instead of changing here in each and every breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my change has to be justifiable through things or something that happens to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a lot of conflict with others to FIND the points I must change within me as to be able to state that I have changed because of all the conflict I have faced and thus I actually create conflict deliberately within my reality to create the points of justification that I need to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a complex process of experiences and situations before I can change and stand as life, where I still believe that life requires a reason and justification to change and stand as itself, as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me here isn’t enough to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to become more to be able to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently as all of isn’t enough to stand as life, and thus place me as life out there as something I must reach, not seeing and realizing that this cycle will never end as I will always place I am not enough in front of me and thus have a never ending story.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that LIFE is here, I am here, that I must stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions and be here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see myself as worthy of life and thus I have created this process of change in my head that I must go through before I can become worthy of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE as the other parts of me wants me as this part of life to suffer and punish me before I can stand one and equal with all life as all parts of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE has abandoned me and that I have abandoned myself as life and within believing this I have created an Idea in my head that I must suffer and walk a process of suffering before I can be allowed back to life, as a point of redeeming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and life hard on myself through the idea nd believe I have about LIFE within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it hard t in fact see and realize that I am life and that I as life do not want me as life to suffer and wlak a long hard process, that I as life welcomes me as life to life any moment, I must simply stop my thoughts feelings and emotions and thus honour myself as life and stand as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as my thoughts feelings and emotions is a fun place to be within and that life as all of me isn’t a fun place to be within as I have valued my mind so much that I actually fear losing my mind, stopping my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me changing and when I change into the future after some time, after I have walked a process first according to what I believe I must face and go through and thus create it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the journey I believe I must first walk before I can change is the journey I create for myself, even when that journey is based on a belief and not what is real, as here in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY some parts of the mind too much to give up that I would rather create a massive process and journey for myself that includes suffering and pain and hardship, just to not give up the mind, my thoughts, my feelings and emotions, and habits and patterns that I have laid down to control and manipulate my reality and control my reality within self-interest and thus not give that up but rather blame life as being hard and that I will someday maybe change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on future change outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my breath for indulging in the mind consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsaken life and to within this blame life for making things so hard on me, yet life is Here as me as I am life I am simply not taking my throne.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it weird to say the word throne that came so naturally to me, where a throne is simply a seat of a kind, and thus I can see that finding that weird in itself shows to what level I have degraded myself from life as a seat to take with and as life as a king, as a throne has become awkward and weird instead of natural and normal, as I have contaminated the word with kind on humans of earth as the mind instead of it as standing as life in oneness and equality as all, as a co-creator.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see myself worthy of GOD, being god, that I am god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by stories and myths and books on what it means to be god and actually stand as god where it is all magical and mysterious and BIG and amazing shit, when in fact I do not know, and thus I can drop all expectation, all projections, all ideas and opinions and simply breathe and be here, be still and know.

I commit myself to focus on breathing and to when and as I go into the mind, a thought, a feeling or emotion, a mood or an experience, to give myself a moment to focus and stabilize as breathe till nothing is moving within me and to move and direct myself from that points, even when there is a little bit of resistance, to push myself and to push through and create myself.

Day 41 - Ego knows everything yet Not a Thing.

I thought I had an idea of how things work and functions in this world, well I do, I know how life currently work in terms of living daily life, but do I know LIFE and how it works/functions/creates from the physical to the mind in all dimensions .

My ego had me cornered, I believed I knew a thing or two like what patterns are, what fear is, what Back chat is, how it functions, how we create events and scenarios for ourselves.

Well this was still just the ego making me believe I know something to put me in a isolated state of boringness and to not go deeper, to not really investigate everything, keeping the veil over my eyes, a false believe of self.

A very simple point was presented to me in a sudden moment, someone asked, what is the value awareness when everyone can claim they are aware.

BAM... My ego could not answer the question, it did not even conceive such a question to exist, I never considered it.

So I asked myself am I aware - the answer was no, because if I am aware and can claim I am aware like the next man or women, then my awareness is only limited to what my ego believes it knows as awareness according to my limited knowledge and information within my idea believe of awareness.

The other person then asked me, are you aware of everything in the universe right now, are you even aware of everything happening in your own body right now. I could not claim this, this is when I realized I know nothing yet, yet it is only the ego that wants to know  as having knowledge and information that will always be limited to your own mind.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I as the ego as the mind consciousness system know anything through knowledge and information that is limited to only my mind and idea of knowing something, yet not even being aware of my own body and what is happening within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the ego as the mind to give myself a false sense of believe that I know something about life, while I can not even explain how life itself functions and works in all aspects yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the ego as the mind to believe that I do not need anybodies help this life to learn and understand life in all ways to stand one and equal as life, realizing that this is the ego attempting its continuation as a energy as the mind in a limited contained space between ones ears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as the ego to believe that I can learn how life works in all ways on my own.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that only as a group can process be made and through a group can we learn and educate each other, realizing this way the ego can not trap one self in the mind within ones own limited knowledge and information and perspectives/believes.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I do require help from others who has already walked the path to show me the path to walk as an equal as they were show and learned, realizing that only the ego would want to do it alone as the ego will always search for a place where it is save and unchallenged and can always be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe as the ego as the mind that I can learn and understand how the physical and mind works ob my own and how we have created ourselves and reality and how everything functions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I do not know anything of creation yet, as I have accepted and allowed the ego as my mind to direct me within self righteousness as self interest to believe that I know something yet I do not even know the basic functions of my own body and how I manifest reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain ignorant to learn anything from anyone else but myself as the ego as the mind in a self created believe that I can teach everything myself, yet I have not even realized basics points of reality for myself unless I was shown by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that if I am shown by others how things work as they have walked the path and thus can support and assist that I will be less than, realizing that this is only the ego as the mind that can form such and experience as the ego will always only want to win and gain to maintain its energy as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that as long as I do not see what is here as how everything functions and works within the physical and the mind that I am within ego and self interest, realizing that when I remain within ego as the mind I can only reflect what I see within my own limited knowledge and information, and thus I realize only within a group is it possible to make it this life to stand as an equal co creator as life where we all walk together yet alone.

I commit myself to stop the ego as limitation and to stand as a group where we all walk together yet alone as each one is with himself so that we can learn and see/realize what is here as our creation and how it all functions and works so that we all can equally take responsibility and stop the abuse and start creating a new world that is best for all life.

I commit myself to learn from others and myself how the physical functions and the mind one and equal so that I can understand how we create and have created to be able to take full self responsibility for what is here and to be able to direct life as myself to that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to write and apply self forgiveness within stopping the mind and the ego so that I can lift the veil from my eyes and see beyond my own limited knowledge and information and set myself free  from limitation, to walk the process of life as a group where there can be no ego as self interest as that which is currently abusing life and bringing the destruction of life and to create a world that is best for all life in all ways.