Amazon and Africa Burning – Sickness and headaches

I have been a bit sick for the past three days, with a saw throat, a slight headache and some throat pains and many body pains all over. At first, I thought it was just the seasons changing here in Panama, but then I came across another video today where the whole Burning of the Amazon is shown when I saw this my headache increased and my eyes hurt. 

I then looked back the days before I was sickish (I am not sick like laying in bed and cannot move) I saw that in the days before I was watching headlines of the Amazon burning and then Africa and how I was within seeing all of this, who I was. For those of you that know me, and this was a hectic storm in my mind of thoughts and emotions and played a big part in my sickness now, Nature and Animals are my thing (another self-belief to deal with as an emotional stance instead of physical) – check out https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven where we are now in the process of immigrating to Panama and then looking for a new location to run our operations from. It is moving slowly as we have not yet completely got our residence here, and no work permits, etc. it is in the process.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for going into an emotional reaction of despair and anger seeing videos and footage of the Amazon and Africa burning.

I forgive myself for going into an emotional reaction of RAGE towards the money system and the humans on earth where I just want to say fuck it all, let us fuck ourselves up and get it done with, as a form of spite  and easy way to not have to take responsibility for what is here as ourselves and this planet.

I forgive myself for going into an emotional reaction towards myself as feeling powerless, feeling like I fucked up, I did not do my best, I am too late and so go into blaming everyone else who did not do anything as I did and wanting to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see images and footage of nature and animals as the creatures of the earth being harmed for money and human survival only, to go into a demon possession of rage where I want to simply destroy everything and say fuck it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see footage of nature burning down by men plan on this planet for profits and money, to wish for the end of the world of man and to end man and his time on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to entertain the thoughts and emotions of rage/anger towards other humans where I take the position of assumption in believing that those who are burning the amazon and Africa are pure evil, and so miss the point that they are as I am only wanting to survive and support their families in a system that forces people to be evil as we are all slaves to money and where money is the only thing that can feed a family and so reason and common sense goes out the window as survival is short-sighted and everyone is tuck in survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from those who are involved in the burning of the forests and nature around the world and so wish ill and evil onto them and thus onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that my shortcoming in who I am and thus what I do within this world is the same as most of humanity, where we all want to do something but we never moved ourselves to practically be able and capable, as I am now only able to sit in my house, write a blog and nothing else, I do not have a group that is politically active, or that has any power or say in this reality, no funds that can possibly move a single thing in this world, and so this is what most people will experience and thus feel powerless and useless, thus going to the streets and blaming others and screaming at people to change things is the only option which is a non-effective option and never changes anything, as the real solution is a political and economic change globally.

I forgive myself for when and as I see footage of the Amazon burning and Africa, to go into the mindset and emotional state of it is too late, we are fucked and doomed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear me and us as this life on earth to be fucked and doomed and too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight the consequences and wish for the consequences to not be real, to not manifest, and so I fight with myself in my mind and with my emotions as I am attempting to fight reality and how things actually work in reality in oneness and equality where we will be one and equal to ourselves and collectively and there is nothing that can stop that no matter how emotional I become, I have to stop and breathe and work with what is here as reality even when reality changes drastically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the suffering and consequences that the animals and plants and other people are going through as I know what is being done onto others will be done onto self as it is to give and so receive, and what is accepted and allowed for one part of life is accepted and allowed for all other parts of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in separation of pain and suffering and destruction and so fear it, instead of standing equal and one t it, as who I am as life, where I do not stand in the way of what is needed in oneness and equality for life to be rebirthed but rather with and like it and not to judge what is happening, to stand as who I am to breathe and direct me as best as I can in each breath with what is here practically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am changing anything about the fired and destruction of nature and all the animals through being emotional about it, to be angry and enraged and overthinking and fearing for what happening, and as I can see all I am doing it harming myself and making myself ineffective through getting sick and headaches.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I did not have internet or computers or any modern tech, I would never have known the Amazon is burning or Africa and so what is real to me? Not to use this reasoning as to not be updated but simply showing that I can be stable and here within it all.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts, feelings and emotions within me through focusing on my breathing and being here, even when I see nature burning down on videos and earth being raped and killed, as I know that I can not do a single thing at this moment and need to keep moving me, keep standing, keep being here and not compromise me to become ineffective and useless through harming my body with HIGH emotions and thoughts that harm the body.

I commit myself to keep pushing the points I stand by this life and to not fall for the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and if I do to write, to forgive to change to purify me here as all as one and equals to stand clear, even if the world ends, we are still here and we still need to deal with ourselves and what is here.

Chess mate - Your Turn to MOVE, or not!! South-Africa

I am in an interesting position within myself, in relation to the world. Specifically within my own country and what is going on here.



South - Africa is in a technical recession, our real estate has dropped by 32% - unemployment has gone up by 5%, politically everything is pointing negative, people are as I speak here striking on the roads, burning tires and branches, closing access for drivers/movement, this is but one of many from the last few days alone in my near environment. It is nothing new, but it all adds up, VAT has increased by 1% , now at 15% VAT on anything you buy, fuel is about to increase by another R1,20 according to predictions - where it is already at a very high price now of R15,60 a litre - thus EVERYTHING in prices increase, from bread and milk to water and electricity - with a country of 56 million (counted for) people, and 30,2 million already in poverty, with all these prices and recession going on, it is putting a lot of pressure on things, especially when in this climate your politicians are openly and freely with ease promoting racism and the murdering of one race and calling the one race rapists and murderers and thieves and that this one race is to blame for everything, it does not matter if you are the new generation after apartheid, which I am part of this one race due to my skin colour, it makes things even worse, especially when policies are created against this one race, and when this one race is specifically targeted to pay for the past through taking land, changing the law and constitution to make it legal, any actions to do so is thus legal, even evicting by force and murder. Parliament hearing on land expropriation was a massive fail and waste of time, most if not all MP"|(Members of Parliament|)s only got more motivated and angry, so it seems expropriation based on emotional outbursts will be happening.



I have now had an interesting point arise within me for the past two months and I am now opening it up for myself (and you reading this), my focus has been on politics, it has been watching each and every video of politicians, parliament meetings, the news, newspapers, and being alert to every actual event happening in my environment, and seeing the negative, the bad and ugly, nothing good to see really. Things are increasing, getting more and more, besides the general 57 murders a day in our country and the chaos of poverty around the country, violence, and crime, businesses collapsing. I have within all of this entered a space within myself of waiting, not moving much, not living much, just sitting still and waiting, as the impression my country is giving me through news and articles and videos and meetings is that we are living on a time bomb that can go off at any time. I feel like I have to be quiet, to hear the ticking of the bomb, to be ready to respond, to avoid being part of the initial explosion.



But, WHY? This is the question that keeps on coming up, why do I want to respond to not be within the initial explosion? it sounds reasonable and logically so that I may live, so that I may survive, not to be abused, not to be in the abuse, then my Desteni teachings come in, to go even deeper, to question this even more, because WHY as logic only takes one as far as self-interest go, because, within the consideration of when this ticking time bomb goes off, millions will suffer in poverty even more, in raids, in extreme violence and even civil war, as our parliament members have spoken about openly in parliament just last week, saying there will be a civil war, and many other ethnical groups literally in the hundreds of thousand preparing for civil war. So, why do I need to be saved and be safe? because I am human and need to live, just like anybody else, when my life has no more worth than anyone else, when my breath is equal to those that cannot respond to this time bomb that cannot get away, that will be stuck in it.



I take a deep breath.... I look within myself and who I am and what I stand for and why I stand for what I stand for, I stand for life - I stand for a life here on earth that is best for all life, this is my stance, I stand to change myself, to change me for me absolutely, I stand to be an example naturally through my change, and so when I look at my why, why save my own ass out of this while others cannot, while other might not want too, when others choose not to and fight, kill, murder and suffer, I see within who I am and my stance that I cannot and have no effect YET on what is happening, and me staying here will not have an effect at all, I could be the one dying first at the moment of explosion, at least then I have already saved myself through self-forgiveness to a degree, yet there are billions on earth in other places, and I still have (if life allows), many years to live if things go naturally, and within that time I can have an actual effect and change within this world, so I will only save my ass as to stand and be the example for others to save their own assess and so stand together to save the ass of this world, this is my purpose for this life as life. There is no need to stand on the bomb and die when I can move my ass to be effective for much longer and support and assist more and more people where possible within the Desteni message and way of life.



I am learning that I am important, and thus I should import myself where needed and where I am effective, and do not remain within an idea of being a saviour, a hero, even if it means leaving many behind for now, I trust myself to move and to grow and to expand as the time I have here as to be that which is best for all life all ways and so place myself where I can have the most effect and to be effective, to not compromise based on ideas and believes, on emotional points.



This post comes from me having to look at possibly having to move my ass if shit gets out of hand in my country, and should I move my ass before, or only as it happens, sharing this also to share where I am at within myself and with what, as these points are happening now, taking place and reality is showing that this needs to be considered - I never in my life had to think or look at these things, I always had the idea that everything will just go smooth and be okay as it was for me to be able to change myself and the world from here for all, and so it will be, but reality outside of me, my home, has other things happening, and even if I want to ignore them, or hope they go away, I can't, as they are affecting me and will one way or the other, and what I do/live, and stand for, and to keep moving and standing this life as much as possible, and I will not compromise that from my part and side.



Why do people die when hurricanes hit their homes, even though they were warned a week before to leave? What mentality is that? an economical hurricane or political one must be foreseen by self, no one can forecast what is going to happen, self can only follow the words and see the side effects/actions and based on that see if the storm is going to hit, and this storm has been brewing here in SA for years now, it is getting more intense, gusts of wind is hitting, at what point does the storm become real, or do we hope for the storm to die out and things settle? The most difficult part is to trust self with self-assessment and what if it is wrong? Or one was right? Then trusting others and their assessment, when it is emotionally based on fear, when is it a stable and direct decision and action? These are the points and challenges I am facing right now.

The biggest point I guess that fucks me over is, even with all the things going on, I have this believe that there is time, that I can wait a bit longer, that I can hope for the best, that nothing will happen to me, and then living within that and do nothing, and so the other side of things is, If I do do something and move my ass, then nothing happens, and so I did everything for nothing and was unnecessary, so my time was wasted.

I see here, that what needs to happen is, I have to remove all the knowledge and information within me of projection as could, could not, should, should not, to consider things practically and make a decision/a choice based on it being my choice to move my ass, regardless if anything is going to happen or not, but to rather work only with what is here, and so even if something does happen or does not happen I can still stand by the decision I made and LIVE it as me. So not justifying my actions based on possibilities, but rather have a choice based on what is here and not what is going to happen or not.

Self-forgiveness will follow on all points above.