Trauma - A Deeply Distressing or Disturbing Experience.

The road back to self.

When we look at Trauma, it can be many things to any given person in any moment, as long as we look at the definition we can see that depending on so many circumstances in our lives from the time of birth, we can experience trauma from the smallest to the biggest things. 

Trauma can be something as simple as your parents telling you NO, when you ask them something, or when you want something, all the way to the extremes of being in an accident, starving to death, losing your house/family. 

Our current world system is a trauma inducing system, it induces trauma from birth till death, the way the system is designed, justified and set up in all aspects is to create trauma, a shock to our systems/expressions as human beings. We are born into distressed families surviving, making money, losing jobs, looking for jobs, always stressed and busy, always running around or already living in a state of shock and coping from trauma/distress of how the system mules us in its design and functionality. 

Take a simple example of trauma that occurs for most humans at birth, we are born and immediately ripped from our mother and put through a system of “cleaning us up” which is to take us as a baby and use these unknown materials such as cloth and cold water to splash and rub and scrub the blood off of us and make us clean, then to be placed back into our mothers hands, only to be taken away a few moment later for more checkups and examinations, then to be placed back into our mothers arms. it is all good and so considering, yet how we are handled isn't always best, I speak here form personal experience and seeing my son being born.

This is but one example, the Trauma already started before that, from simple traumas of the system and how it is designed, where our parents had to ask themselves questions such as, could they afford a hospital, a good one, did our parents have the money, did they meet the right person/doctor to give birth to us that cares and treats us with care, did our birth cause a family disturbance at home, is home stable, do the family I am born into have stability emotionally and physically. ALL of this determines how we are within the womb and what we experience when we come out. Since our system is designed on uncertainty of HUMAN value and life, the trauma of just existing here is consistent.

All of the system is trauma inducing if it is not a system designed of the utmost potential of human life, where there is a system/systems that supports all life equally with true care in place, where money isn’t and does not play any factor in our creation, or birth, or growing up and living in this world, as Money effects every single aspect of everything, from our thoughts, words and deeds, as we are BORN from and within money, and the existence of it, all of our existence is trauma, as it is an unequal GREED, POWER, CONTROL system, the very air we are born into isn't pure, that in itself is traumatizing, not to mention our food and water, the very basics needs we depend on has been traumatized and destroyed to be like a slow poison for our bodies, not to mention even withheld from 50% of humans to a degree. 

This is why reality and life on earth is beautiful as the physical plain of nature and what is here as nature, and when we look towards the human’s existence here, it is disturbing, we are disturbed, everything about us is out of place, it does not just seem that way, you can feel it in your gut that there is something deeply disturbing, and the secret to why we all have this feeling in our stomachs isn’t a complicated one, it is because we have woven money into the fabric of our very existence and lives. 

Take a moment to see how traumatizing this is for life on earth, and so for us each as individuals on the planet, the earth is traumatized and it is obvious when we look to nature and what is going on there/here. It is a reflection of US, who we are as humans, what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves and so in this world, and so for each and every child to be born into this traumatizing world keeps manifesting traumatized humans and so the world.

We are all traumatized, and it is very important that we see this, admit this, to a degree we are all in some form of shell-shock, from being born, how we are born and brought into this world, to being send off to school like little soldier getting ready to go fight for our very survival after the schooling system, and school is all about getting you ready to handle shock/trauma by constantly shocking you, traumatizing you with authority, with rules, with standards and with the whole system of children running together, bullying, fighting and comparing themselves to one another to see who can beat down who to get on top and the school system thrives on this, who is the losers and who are the winners, traumatizing each other on behalf of the system, this obviously is but part of it all, then there is the other half of the world living in poverty, famine, war and in extreme circumstances of abuse within this world, from prostitution, sex slave trafficking, violence, torture and rape, murder, which is in itself extremely traumatizing and used as a way to blackmail and induce fear into those that live a quit “normal life” to again create distress/trauma as a way of control, manipulating and get no one to do anything, to change nothing.

Because you are traumatized, a consistent state of being traumatized and hypnotized, living in a shell of shock, not able to know, what the fuck is going on, who am I, where are we going, why is this life, what happened to my life, and so on we go with the question of a traumatized person.

I write this blog, because I had a recent realization about myself within the word trauma, my trauma. I had a blind spot where I have been denying and pushing aside past experiences, past moments that has happened within my life, I have been looking at these moment and I got all the way to my birth and this system that exist on earth we humans have created above the natural system as nature. and call this system natural, a natural human economic system would be in alignment with nature, and it most definitely isn’t, thus made up bullshit system. 

So, I saw me going into the BIGGER picture of the trauma that exist inherently within this world was me again avoiding my trauma and dealing with my trauma YET I see it important to have the bigger picture and thus sharing it here for others and support. I went into self-judgment about my trauma, my experiences that I experienced and stored/defined within me as trauma as not being valid as I am not starving or living in poverty. This is where I saw I was creating blind spots for myself that keeps me in a loop and in the past. Not wanting to deal with myself in certain aspects of myself and my life, justified by the back chat of “others are in worse situations than me” they have true trauma, my points are just petty shit, I must get over it. Seeing how I have been brainwashed to remain in place = ).

So, I wrote this out first, as I am in my blogs to come going to do introspection into MY trauma, to stop judging my traumas and denying them, no matter how small they are, as I do not want to live with BLIND-SPOTS directing my life, when all I have to do is look in the side mirror to see what is coming and take self-responsibility. Because I want to be the directive principle in my life and to be as effective as I can be within this life.

I must STOP existing in a state of trauma/victimization and GET up, for and as myself. Enough denying and suppressing, we must all stop traumatizing and dramatizing our lives, we must look into the blind spots, admit them, forgive them, see them, take self-responsibility and walk clear as ourselves.

More to come on MY trauma

My Desteni Process – Thoughts aren’t natural

Thoughts aren’t natural, this can be something difficult to grasp, but it isn’t really that farfetched when we take a closer look at what thoughts are and what their actual impact are on the physical.

Like when we burn coal to generate energy, thoughts are similar, when we think or go into thought, we are in fact taking something real of the physical and we are burning it, using the resources to generate energy to run certain systems, may it be a T.V or a radio, or a fridge, some are practical, but for most of the things it is for pure entertainment or indulgence. The earth is suffering for this, for example, the same is happening within us, with thoughts and thinking. We are burning energy to entertain a world/reality in our mind that literally does not exist, these thoughts have further outflows of energy use, we then (after the thoughts/thinking) usually experience feelings and emotions, have a certain experience within us, which then requires even more resources to burn to generate the energy and thus to keep the emotions and feeling stimulated, thus we will have a never ending cycle of thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions, all generating energy through burning resources. The resources the thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions are burning are our flesh. 

Now, we have a lot of indicators that show us how unnatural thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions are, such as headaches, sometimes very specific headaches to show us what thinking we are participating within if we understand the points the body is indicating to us. Then we have even more indicators, such as our illnesses, diseases, and mental addictions. We have even more evidence on a global scale, which is the global state, the state in which the world is. The state in which the world is a direct result of thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions, and it is pretty fucked up. I mean, wow, we have been and only been using thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions throughout history to direct us to give us guidance, to give us purpose, and here we are, just take a look what exist for BILLIONS of beings, I mean the human LIVING, and how we live on this planet goes against ANYTHING natural on/of this planet. Do you still think thinking/thoughts feelings and emotions are natural? Then ask yourself this, why aren’t you living with nature, in nature, why do you not know anything about nature? Why is the nature of the human destroying nature? What is the thing we have apparently that makes us better? A mind which thinks and has thoughts and that generates feelings and emotions – I mean if we were really intelligent then we should have noticed this a long time ago, the mind as thinking as thoughts feelings and emotions aren’t natural as it literally directs us to do everything that is unnatural and destroys the natural world.

Now, I have had a personal experience a couple of years ago as I was walking my daily self-forgiveness where I one day did so much self-forgiveness on the re-occurring patterns I was living as depression, being gloomy and doomy and always carrying burdens with me, I did some intense self-forgiveness on the specific points, the beliefs and ideas and opinions I had within myself. On that particular day I decided enough, this has to stop and I meant it within myself that it is time for a change. The following day I woke up with a BASHING headache, it was intense, this headache was in the front of my head, it was pounding and heavy, every time I would move my head it felt like my brain was hitting my skull on the inside, I tried to think about a headache and what it could be, but as soon as I started thinking, my head hurt even more, so all I could do was sit down and breathe.

I sat down and breathed for a couple of minutes while focussing inside myself and NOT thinking, then a thought popped up in my head about what I need to still do today, this thought immediately activated another headache, which was located in my temples area on my head, as this thought was presenting a belief I had about what I still had to do today and how I am going to experience myself all day, so now my head was in serious trouble. I at and breathed a lot more, for about another ten minutes, my headaches started going away, it calmed down as I was calm and breathing within me, there were no thoughts, no feelings or emotions within me after about 15min, and the headaches were almost gone, I could easily stand up and continue with my day, but 15 seconds later I had a thought and BAM!!! A headache was back, but this time it was located at the back of my head, it felt like a pounding headache, and my temples were also heavy, this was really fascinating shit, and this continued for TWO WEEKS – I could not participate in thoughts, thinking or feelings or emotions. 

As soon as I did I had immediate headaches and pain, each time in specific areas of my head depending on what thought, what thinking I was activating and going into, and the only way to stop a headache was to stop the thoughts/thinking and thus the feelings and emotions.  

These two weeks were the best days of my process and walking myself into correction as I was unable to go into thoughts/thinking I had NO choice but to simply live direct, to act and to D, to not think or ponder or to go into thoughts, I had to live HERE in the physical, I broke and changed every single habit and pattern I was in as if it was nothing due to not having a choice because I could NOT think or go into thoughts and thus NOT go into any experiences, and thus no experience could decide for me what I must or must not do, I could be here and act, and in fact each time I acted the headaches got lighter and went away, it was like I had a compass of correction within me to be physical. After two weeks I got out of the patterns and habits that kept me in this dark place for a couple of months and I was amazed how thinking/thoughts could cause so much pain on the physical – I had the opportunity for two weeks to experience the pain thoughts/thinking causes the body and I now know that even when I am not aware, each and every thought/thinking feeling and emotion impacts the body and has great consequences on the physical body and my LIFE and thus everyone else’s LIFE.

I mean, imagine how and what we are doing to the earth, do we think we are NOT harming the earth or causing pain to create and generate energy? How to use that energy and for what? It all matters and as we know, as within so without. Thus we can see outside of ourselves as a mirror reflection what exist within us and it isn’t pretty at all…

Investigate Desteni, start your writing process of self-forgiveness, stop your thoughts feelings and emotions and start LIVING.