Day 521 – let’s see where this goes – unexpected writing.

This blog isn’t specific, let’s see where this goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself for who I am within myself as the experience of myself consistently tip toeing through life not wanting to do something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this irritation to be expressed as anger towards the world and to blame the world for me experiencing myself as being irritated with myself as if I am tip toeing through life in fear of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tip toe through life in fear of doing something wrong and that this wrong doing will define me and my self-value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful towards the system and the people within the system and to keep this resentfulness against the people within the system as a way to blame them for how I am experiencing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and tired at the system and to within this just want it to fucking disappear, even if it means through chaos and destruction, as a I don’t care anymore attitude that has taken over my mind as a point of me giving up my self-responsibilities and seeking an easy way out of this fucked up world that is here as the system , that enslaves me to fucking money and a life of not doing what I enjoy or can be capable of doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in BLAME towards the system and to within this blame go and live in a state of self-victimization and self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in spitefulness towards the system within just giving everything my middle finger and saying go to hell and fuck yourself, you want to be blind and deaf, not hearing the screams and the cries of misery, so now you will just have to suffer the same, go ahead and suffer, at least this means the world will end and this stupid ridiculous system that is pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the system for destroying me as a child and enslaving me into a fearful mind being that can only live limitations that has been forced onto me through a fucked up system, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and to define myself as, seeing and realizing that I made those decisions and that I could have instead NOT have chosen fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately live in a consistent mood towards the system as me being against it secretly and thus resisting everything within the system even while I have to participate within it to make money for survival and to become more and earn more than just survival and to use what I make to change this world, as I would like to be done onto others as I have been done onto, BUT first I must change what has been done onto me by myself and thus change the path for those that come after to not have to be done onto them as I didn’t want to be done onto, loving thy neighbor as thy self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Love and HATE money at the same time, as money is a fucked up limitation that decides everything in a very weird manner currently, yet I love it when I have it – a typical mind design of a polarity game. Never moving beyond the control of money and to be able to use money as what is best for all, but always riding a roller coaster with money and it being available or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to wish I was different and not me so that I could just be someone that is already perfect and live everything every breath that is necessary to bring change to this world instead of consistently falling into the mind and the cycles of self-harm and abuse and compromise and sabotaging every moment that might have had potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the perfect self that I see in myself that is possible as something that is out there, seeing and realizing that creating this perfect self is a process of physical application and the mind is fucking with me by wanting it NOW and thus if I am not achieving it now then I must be a failure and will never reach the goals/change that is required. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated by this energy game of polarity that goes from positive and negative in sudden moment as if I just cannot help it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not worthy of the best, and thus the best that is for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a fucking bad person and thus I do not deserve a world that is best for all including myself and that I just deserve a world that is going into darkness and being eaten alive by the demons as man’s MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired and irritated and angry at myself for giving this personality of I do not deserve anything good consistent attention and living it as a resonant seed within me even while I am doing things that is in the best interest of all , yet my mood/personality of I do not deserve it is fucking up everything resonantly, yet I keep on living it within this irritation mind pattern that just keep putting me down, even though I know its bullshit and not real. – seeing the point of why I can see it and yet do nothing about it is annoying as shit.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use “ I do not know” as an excuse for why I am not changing and thus waiting for information to change me where it must first make sense and why I must change, either through fear of consequences instead of me seeing and thus knowing the change and living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a false Idea of caring that fucks me over as I care to much about the mind and the system and the consciousness of others and thus holding myself back in fear of not seeming like I am caring and compromising my entire process and movement believing that holding myself f back is caring for others. Meantime I am destroying myself and my potential by being so fucken self-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live pretend in the name of self-preservation.

Day 323 – I want to do something NOW – what activates activists.

I am what people will call an Animal lover, I would acre for animals before I care for humans, I would put animals before humans basically, I would put nature and forests and rivers and the ocean before I put anything about humans first.

This came to me since a child, since I was very young, I found poisonous snakes better to play with then with humans, I enjoyed finding bugs and animals and playing with them before I would go for a human, humans always had this extra thing to them, they weren’t what they seemed. With animals I knew what I got. Because they did not hide it, they did not have to hide it, they were simply animals.
Nature was always fun to be with, playing with the trees and climbing them and crawling in the grass and playing in the mud and in the sand, nature was/is always cool, don's get airy faily ideas about nature now, there is dangers/harshness.

But I got over my shit I had with and towards humans, I started making friends pretty late and I always found it hard, I did not know how to be and mostly felt out of place. With nature I could smell, I could be wild and natural which is not having to car about what cloths I have on (if any lol) what my hair looks like, how I behave and acted, how I make noises and all those things)and that in itself takes away any extra stress and fears and all the bullshit I now think of daily and have to deal with, since I now only am around humans.

I grew up in a small town with just about 600 people, It was extremely quite in the entire town and there were still a lot of open fields next to the houses, as it wasn’t populated much, and I could run in them and play in them, I started walking the streets all alone since I was eight years old, from whenever till late and come back.

I only had to be around kids during school time, which was always weird for me, I was mostly comfortable around girls and being with girls, since they did not have that whole ego thing going such as most of the boys, I got laughed at for not playing sport and enjoying the sports they enjoyed, I was forced to play rugby by the school and group pressure, I later on enjoyed athletic a lot and tennis.
Basically I grew up with nature for the first thirteen years of my life till we moved to a different place, a city, where there are millions and only concrete during the day.

I used to get really mad/angry when I saw fields burning, since I played in the fields a lot and knew what was living in them, such as the antelopes and the bunnies and turtles and snakes and all the billions of bugs and birds eating in the fields and making nests even in the tall grass, and the moles.

I tried going to the bits of fields I saw was still available in the city, it was impossible to there without hard shoes, that has thick soles, as there was rubbish laying everywhere, glass and cans and plastic bags and all kinds of weird shit, sometimes I even found animal skin laying in the fields.

I used to built up a lot of anger, because I had a bit of a different education then those living in the city, I understood a simple thing such as a field and what it actually means and what is in it, and through seeing the fields in the city, I got really pissed, because I could see the people in the city does not CARE, but I did not consider they did not know, still that is no excuse anyway.

At a later stage in my life I would take plastic bags and I would go around and clean all the fields I could, I piled up a lot of bags in our back yard, BUT it never worked, all it took was one weekend and the exact same mess was there again.

This was only the beginning.

Then I started exploring the internet more and more, and I got to see beyond my own back yard, I got to see what’s happening all around the world, in all of the corners of our planet.

Especially now that I am with Desteni and Equal Money System, I have been more sp3ecific in my research and to also check the information I get.

The more information I am gathering of what’s happening to our planet and how fast the more and more I feel powerless, the more and more I feel there is really nothing we can do any more, the more I feel that I just want to destroy the planet and get it all over with, because all I see and all that there is for all life currently is a slow and brutal way of torture and abuse as the way of life currently is, Yet I do understand within walking with Equal Money System and to solutions that is HERE, that there is a way, There is NO HOPE, hope has already been lost, there is now only a way to FIX what we have done, to then Create a new world.

Because I specifically keep my eyes on the Natural resources of earth and what is still here on a regular basis, I can see within the past 5 years how it is getting worse and worse, for instance the Finishing of our forests and the extinction of animals and how some animals such as the Rhino/Cheetah/Lion/polar-Bear/Tigers/elephants/orangutan are closer and closer to extinction and that if Nothing happenings it will happen right in front of my eyes in my life time.

I sometimes feel like standing up and going crazy, taking myself out there and Fighting and protesting and having revolution and how I can save the animals, how I can protect them, how I can end what’s happening to them.

YET the evidence of such actions has proven itself useless within many many years of proof. So this has come a long way, since I was a kid, and now how it is escalating, how it is only getting worse, how the feeling of powerlessness and wanting to help all together creates this anger, this hate for the world (not earth) and how those two emotions can fuck it all up for me from ever truly doing anything f I had to follow them, because I now have seen the solution, it isn’t the one everyone prefer as it takes time and in time more and more animals/fish/oceans/forest will get abused/tortured and meet destruction in the time that it will take to have an actual permanent solution to the actual problem.

Human nature is the problem, human nature created money, and money now is running human nature, and because of this system we have that we all survive in, we can use money and our nature as a human to justify what we are doing for the sake of self-interest which is Fear which is fear for survival.

So we need to create a new system that is something completely different and that supports LIFE and where we live by principals – that which is best for all life in all ways, I cannot give the solution here ion one blow, I will give a links and that is where the solutions are, Investigate it and do not sacrifice your ability to change this world and to create a new world through going out and exposing yourself to the elite as who you are as an activist, that way they can control you and tag you and mark you and that way you will be made useless in the system. For instance revolutions/drastic actions/aggressive behavior etc.

There is a way and the right way and it is what most people want to fail at doing because it actually required dedication and patience and real action as a activist. Taking on the root problem the same way it controls everything, Politics/economics/government democracy.

Places for real activism to have real solutions.

Desteni
Equal Money System
Economics Journey to Life.
7 Year Journey to Life
Capitalism versus Equal Money.

and then Join us in the stand.