Focus, Silence and Interruptions – inner eruption



 

Silence, focus, sudden noise, interruptions, inner eruptions take place, reactions flow over, shouting, screaming, controlling, dominating, then quite, silence and focus.  

A For self awareness I suggest starting this series of interviews here
Click on the name -
Self Awareness steps for the Elite - Introduction



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot focus when I do not have silence within my environment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the rule of that I can only focus when I have silence within my environment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by sound/noise within my environment when and as I am busy with something particular that requires my focus. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from FOCUS and to thus make focus a thing out there that I must obtain and so within this create certain rules and setups where I believe only once those specific rules and setups are in place, such as silence, that only then I can focus, and thus within this imply that I am never focussed or the directive principle within my every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that focus is something I must practice and so I seek and want to obtain the right environments where there is NO distractions for me to train and practice my focus within what I am doing, and thus within this rule I have made for myself I will always fail as noise will always be here and not seeing and realizing that practicing my focus within specific conditions limits my focus to those specific conditions and thus the practice will never leave those specific conditions unless I drop all conditions and walk focus as me in each and every breathe and to stop the distractions within me as the thoughts/feelings/emotions that arise within me when I feel someone else is fucking with my focus by making noise/sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone within my reality comes to me to get my attention while I am busy with something I need to focus on, to lose focus almost immediately and to within this access anger and frustration and so within this act out the anger and frustration where I now attempt to control my reality through my sound and behaviour to get control of my environment to once again have focus and to focus on what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that focus is ME as breath in each and every breath and thus no matter what comes within my reality, that according to the mind as energy should trigger me and or distract me, to remain focussed on the breathing, not necessarily on what I am doing, as what I am doing mustn’t determine who I am, and so I see and realize that as long as any energy moves within me and not me as Breathe clear and here, then I am already not focussed and only deluding myself in the silence I believe helps me focus which is a mind focus, focussing energy which can always be disturbed and thus have a short fuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate focus from Breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate discipline from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate self-responsibility from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate flexibility from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate Care from breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate ME from breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Breath is here as each and every breath is all that is here as everything that is here and thus to not breathe is to walk in conflict with what is here as reality, where the mind is finding ways to be within a polarity.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace breath as the solution and to from within and as breath walk HERE as life and to direct me as breath in each and every given moment as breath and not to accept and allow the mind to direct me here into polarities as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek silence outside of me, when breath is silence within and as me and thus nothing outside of me can change anything within me, as there must be nothing with me but breath/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate focus as the word focus from and as me as my breath, and within so doing seek focus outwards, and so always running after focus and moments and specific setups/environments never finding focus or silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my environment for me not being able to focus, and thus not see and realize that the blame that come up is due to how I am experiencing myself within the moment of feeling disturbed which is anger, frustration and thus it is within me that the disturbance is taking place and that is what needs to be changed.  

On Blame, check it out here -> Blame: The Hidden Nature



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel someone isn’t considering me and or my environment when and as I want to focus to get upset and angry and to within a second, without notice, tone my voice and shut down any disturbances using my reality and circumstances as a reason and excuse for why and how I can act out my frustration or anger that I experience within me and to then have what I see as control of my environment as to control what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I act out my anger and frustration to have silence to be able to focus, and through this control my environment that I will in return create an angry and frustrated environment/people as they will pick up on what I am experiencing through my behaviour and voice, thus I see and realize that I must clear and fully take responsibility for any and all experiences within me till nothing moves within me and to commit myself to NOT speak or say anything as long as there is an energy within me and to focus on ME as breath here first and foremost, even if this means NEVER saying anything again, as it will or might not ever be necessary when I have taken and realized my creation of me as this point and thus focus is me and silence is me as Breathe and no blame or anger or frustration can exist.

To learn more on Feelings, emotions and thoughts I suggest starting this series on the Atlanteans -  
 Click here to start - > Atlanteans - The Beginning - Part 1

OH no, Coldness is touching me





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as just a tiny litte bit of cold air or wind touches my body to immediately want to get a jacket on or something warmer just not to experience the coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR shiffering and being cold when and as cold air or wind touches my skin. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike even a little bit of cold ait touching my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness is bad for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that cold air or wind touching my body is a bad sign and thus I want to get warm as fast as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experience myself as cold then I can get sick or ill, or even not be able to move or do anything properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness Is something that is against me, that wants to harm me, that wants to put me to sleep or out of action, to not work and be effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative state of mind when and as I experience just a little bit of cold air on my skin or a cold breeze passing by where I then thing, OH no, It I cold, I am not going to be able to move and work outside effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the physical experience I go into when and as a cold breeze or wind is passing by and touches my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike and have a negative mind set about my fingers and body feeling stiff and cold when and as it I cold, where I think thing and blame the cold for me not being able to effectively use my body or do things, such as typing or working with tools and to within this go into a giving up mode of rather not wanting to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as too much work to breathe and to relax my body when and as it is cold and I am experiencing myself as cold, to relax my body and to focus on the breathing and to not let my body tense up within the experience of coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE coldness as BAD and negative based on how I experience myself within the cold, seeing and realizing that cold is here is it an expression of life it isn’t good or bad, it is something I can also enjoy if I drop the brainwashing and conditioning that I as the mind have placed on the cold as a way to attempt to manipulate myself and my environment to get things to be my way.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accept and allowed myself to see and realize fully my responsibility within my experience that happens within me as my thoughts, my emotional state when and as there is cold, and thus how I as my internal experience effects how I as the body experience the cold one and equal, and thus I see and realize that I can actually learn from the cold as the cold exposes ME and different parts of me and what emotional states I exist as hidden, that comes out when it is cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just accept the experiences within me when it is cold as it is cold, and to not investigate what is coming up within me that determines my experience within coldness, where coldness has now become this whole thing instead of just cold, and expression of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge who I am within cold and to just run with it a normal, because everyone else seems to also find it normal and have the same and similar experiences and thus mine must be real and true and valid, never challenging every part of ME that comes up and exposes itself with different weather.

I commit myself to check myself and who I am and the experiences I have when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to breathe and to walk through and understand the emotional experiences that comes up when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to challenge the back chat that comes up as my living and behaviour when and as it is cold and to check what is real as ME and what is a design to further control me as the mind energy slave to consciousness where apparently the physical is the problem and causes me to experience myself certain ways within me.

Even Teachers knew we are Organic Robots that’s programmable





I got punished at school sometimes through doing certain things, I have a specific memory of speaking back at the teacher, not accepting and allowing her behaviour towards us as the students, which I took as diminishing us, seeing us as less, and I said something back, the teacher didn’t like it, and she reacted badly towards what I did.

As punishment, the teacher instructed me to write down on paper with a pen 100 times “to speak back to a teacher is wrong” and as I write it I had to speak it LOUD and CLEAR – and only once I completed writing that out 100 times and speaking it out loud and clear could I leave the classroom.

I eventually wrote out all 100 lines as I wanted to get out of the class, and to not be in the presence of this teacher. In my mind I laughed at the punishment, I thought it was stupid and useless, I thought this will not change anything within me, But, afterwards there was a scar within me, I tried to avoid it, but it was there, I could not pinpoint it as to what it was or remove it, but from that day I have not spoken up to a teacher in the way I did before, I had more fear, I had more self-judgment, I felt insecure to speak to people that has titles of “authority “and facing the consequences, I had a massive judgement within me of it being WRONG to speak back at someone, speaking up and being heard especially if they are seen as authority within me.

So, this worked? Even when I believed and thought it didn’t, that I was too strong for it to have any effect, yet, sitting there for a while writing out that sentence 100 times with my hand cramping and my brain hurting and my voice getting dry from saying it out loud and clear 100 times it had an effect.

Did the teacher know that it would work? Was the teacher aware of what she was doing to me? Did the teacher do this knowing how to program children? And that we are programmable and that’s how it is done?

I mean, since my process with Desteni, the key to deprogramming ourselves and to change and stand as LIFE is through writing, through applying self-forgiveness and then adding self-corrective statements as our living/correction, and within thus breathe and walk within practically applying ourselves daily, stopping the mind, thoughts and feelings and emotions.

At Desteni, this is done because we understand and see that we are programmable, and thus our nature can change, and thus we are able to create ourselves with the right tools, so here comes a teacher that Believes in God and that God is the creator of all things and that god is divine and all powerful and that free will exists and all that, yet this very same person used this technique on me that defies everything they believe in and it worked.

So – I can now also say that writing and speaking words truly is the key, now see and understand the power of the tools when it is applied in self-forgiveness, and we write and write and write in self-forgiveness and creating ourselves as LIVING words, as the living word as LIFE, if only a small moment of writing something out 100 times and speaking it loud and clear could have such an effect on me for a life-time, then now we can see how applying the tools of Desteni and how it is used as suggested DOES in fact have an effect, if we like it or not. It is a matter of consistency and to do it 100 times or more an every single point within ourselves or more till it is done.

This brought me to a very interesting statement that Jesus said in the bible about forgiveness, that we must forgive 70 times 7 a day, each and every day, which is 490 times of forgiveness a day, and this is and was even understood by Jesus and what we must apply more than 2000 years ago. No one has or is living this, not to mention for ourselves, not to mention on a daily basis, now you might ask, what am I going to forgive every day that much? Well, it is going to be yourself, your every thought, feeling or emotion, it is going to be YOU forgiving existence as yourself, thus all that is here to stand as life, one and equal, to drop all knowledge and information as the mind as consciousness as the false Idol/god, and to unveil what is here to be able to pass through the eye of the needle.

I will for myself as a test do here what I have done in that classroom, for myself, to forgive myself 100 times for one thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(Middle lower back pain, to the right, muscle) (Shoulder pain, right side, and front, down to the elbow and into the forearm, muscle pain with bone tension)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(Thoughts popping up, unconscious mind, agitation from others in my environment, projection, as I am getting agitated as I judge what the others are going through isn’t directed as I would have directed it)
(my body getting tense, as I feel I am wasting time, nothing is happening, nothing magical = mind protection mechanism, where the mind is addictive to experiences and thus not not feeling anything, and thus if the mind isn’t experiencing anything then it must mean nothing is happening, yet the physical is darkness, still, quiet, here)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(left hand is warming up, while right hand is still cold, my left hand is specifically heating up from the small finger, where the hear is flowing up until the ring finger, then gradual heat is flowing all over my hand but not as warm as the small and ring finger, thus flowing is happening within those two areas)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.
(tension all over my body now, as TIME has shown its face and thus I started rushing, as I am now running out of time to apply myself within this, the tension begins in the back, runs into my shoulders at the back and then restricts and tense up my entire chest area all the way down to my sixpack, thus the back tensing upwards and the front tensing as in cramping inwards)
Interesting.

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